I've been involved with startups for twenty years. Much of what's emerged for me has revolved around humanizing the experience of doing business. This is embodied in every aspect from how things are priced to how I communicate about our offerings.

Many heart centered people struggle with promotion and "getting themselves out there". This is probably the single biggest challenge that people approach us with. One of the key aspects behind the growth of every program that we have offered has been our approach to outreach - something we call “relational marketing”.

In this article I want to share the specific techniques we use for almost everything that we promote. If you have a course offering or community that you'd like to launch or grow, this article will offer you concrete tactical guidance on how to approach this in a relational way.

What Is Relational Marketing?

Relational marketing is about tapping into the resource of the relationships that already exist in your life.  This isn’t about pitching your friends.  This is about recognizing that anything you want to create in life is a function of how you work with the people you already know.  These people form the fabric of your life and the foundation of what’s possible.

At its heart, relational marketing is about:

• Building awareness of your work through real human interactions.
• Framing your request or offering in a way that occurs as an opportunity because it aligns with someone’s existing interests.
• Growing your audience through generosity-first strategies, like free workshops or live conversations.
• Cultivating a practice of outreach that’s both bold and service oriented.

This approach has helped us generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in course sales without running paid ads or complex funnels. And more importantly, it’s helped us stay true to the values of humanity, authenticity, and generosity in everything we do.

Step 1: Map Your Social Structure

In relational marketing, the network of people you already know is the foundation for whatever you want to bring into the world.

Think of it this way:

• Your “cold traffic” audience (people who don’t know you) costs money to reach.
• Your “warm traffic” audience (people who know of you) costs time and creativity.
• But your “hot traffic” audience (people who already know and trust you) is free — and far more likely to engage, share, support, or say yes.

Jay Abraham, one of the most respected marketing minds of our time, refers to this as relationship capital — and it’s one of the most underutilized assets in any business or project.

🧭 The Social Structure Mapping Exercise

This is the foundational move in relational marketing. Here’s how to do it:

1. Grab a large sheet of paper (or open a mind-mapping tool).
2. Start with yourself in the center.
3. Draw spokes outward to all the groups or communities you’ve been part of. These might include:
   • School or university
   • Past jobs and companies
   • Former clients or collaborators
   • Spiritual or religious communities
   • Coaching programs or trainings
   • Online communities
   • Professional associations
   • Retreats, masterminds, or summits
   • People you’ve met over Zoom
   • Cities you’ve lived in
   • Family
   • Anyone in your inbox, phone contacts, calendar, CRM
4. Under each group, jot down names of individuals you remember. Think: “Who did I connect with, even briefly, here?”

Don’t censor yourself. This is a brain dump, not a vetting process. Even weak ties — that one person you sat next to in a workshop three years ago — can become strong connections in the right context.

🧠 Pro Tip: Use Digital Tools to Jog Your Memory

• Scroll your LinkedIn connections — look for old coworkers, collaborators, and peers.
• Search your email inbox for past exchanges.
• Look through your phone contacts.
• Open old Slack or Facebook group chats.

You’ll be surprised how many people you’ve touched, helped, or been in conversation with — all of which can be starting points for outreach.

🕸 What You’re Actually Building

You’re not just making a contact list. You’re creating a living map of your life.  These are all the people that you are somehow connected to, and these are all people that can somehow support your efforts.  This might include potential:

• participants in your offerings
• amplifiers who could share your offerings
• partners who might want to co-host something or collaborate
• mentors or advisors
• referral sources
• testers to give feedback on your ideas
• stakeholders from your target audience who you can interview
• alumni or former clients who can give you testimonials

This approach aligns with Kevin Kelly’s famous idea of 1,000 true fans. You don’t need a massive following — just a core group of connected humans who care.

🔄 From Map to Movement

We do a version of this process every time we launch something new.  The key is to actually do it, so that you get the visual overview of everyone in your life.  Then sense into which connections feel the more relevant at this moment.

1. Circle the names or groups that feel “alive.” Who are you curious about reconnecting with? Who might be excited by your current work?  Who can support you in some way?
2. Make a list of all the people you want to reach out to.
3. Begin to draft outreach messages (which we’ll cover next) to 3–5 people as a starting point.
4. Work your way through the list.

You’re not asking for a sale. You’re inviting connection and collaboration — and that’s where real relational marketing begins.

Step 2: Frame Your Offering as an Opportunity (Not a Pitch)

Now that you’ve mapped your network, the next critical move is learning how to communicate what you’re offering in a way that occurs as an opportunity.

🎯 The Basic Strategy

There are many ways to approach relational marketing, but one of the simplest is to create a high value, free offering that you can involve other people in helping you promote.

It’s much harder to ask people to share something that you’re charging money for.  Something that that is free and offers real value is a win-win-win.

It’s a win for you because people will share it.

It’s a win for your connection because they get to pass on something valuable.

It’s a win for the person who hears about it, because they get something valuable for free.

The way this works is really simple:

1. Map out your social structure
2. Reach out to your social structure
3. Invite your connections to a free offerings or ask them to share the offering with their community and friends
4. Run your offerings
5. Invite participants to the next stage (which could be a paid offering)

💯 Another word on FREE

Free is important because you want to make it easy for people to share your offering with their network.

You want to give away your BEST stuff – this is how people decide if they want to continue giving you their attention.  If your free stuff is as good as or better than what other’s are charging for, you will have something that gets attention and gets shared.

The ideal experience is an opportunity to involve partners and promoters.

Some examples:

• A free workshop or masterclass that you host
• An interview that you host (the person being interviewed is a “partner”)
• Someone else’s workshop that you present (you control the mailing list but share it with your partner)
• A summit or event series (each speaker is a ”partner”)
• Co-produce an offering for an influencer (you do most of the work but benefit by association and list growth)

🧭 Find the Overlap Between Their Reality and Your Work

Whether you’re inviting people to a free workshop or making a bold request, great communication happens when you understand the intersection of:

1. Their Aspiration — What they care deeply about
2. Their Struggle — What they’re stuck with right now
3. Your Offering — What you can genuinely help with

The better you understand their context, the more naturally your offering becomes the next step in their journey.  Take time to really reflect on this.  The more influential a person might be for you, the busier they are likely to be.  Assume that they are completely overloaded and communicate with them in a way that makes it easy for them to respond to and support you.

🧠 Example Reframes

Instead of saying:

“I’m hosting a Zoom workshop on my latest course topic.”

You could say:

“I’m offering a free session to help coaches bring deeper connection into their online spaces — something I know your community is really interested in.”

Or instead of:

“I’d love your help promoting my event.”

You could say:

“Would your community appreciate a free experience that gives them practical tools for leading meaningful conversations? I’d be honored to co-offer this as a value add.”

This is about really reflecting on how your offerings provides value and occurs as an opportunity for the person you are reaching out to.

🪜 Things to keep in mind

This process builds on itself.  You absorb the reputation of the people you partner with.  One big name will help you get other big names.

A summit or an interview is a great low hanging entry point into further partnership.  It’s a great way to start a long term, mutually supportive relationship.

Keep it simple to start but also remember that the bigger the “event” or “offering” the more newsworthy it is (i.e., easier to promote and get other people to support you with).

What you’re offering has to occur as an opportunity to both your partners and your audience.

This strategy works best when you’re offering is:

• Something that is high value and free that you can involve other people in helping you promote
• Something that makes other people look good – usually by association or presentation
• Something that is relevant to the lived experience of the audience you are trying to reach.

🧩 On a more technical note

Be clear about cross promotional sharing expectations up front.

Provide partners and participants with language and imagery to make it easy to promote your event.  Give them a schedule with specific expectations for sharing with their audience.

Make it as easy as possible for people to support you.

You likely want to have a dedicated mailing list platform.

You can use Sutra to collect email addresses, but ultimately, this strategy is about growing your mailing list which means adding value to your list through regular communication.  A dedicated email platform like Convert Kit (affordable and super good) or Active Campaign (higher end and more expensive, what we use) is the best tool for that.

You can find amazingly professional website templates for cheap to use on platforms like Webflow, SquareSpace, and Wix.

You can find super cheap graphic designers and virtual assistants on Fiverr and Upwork.

Step 3: Reach Out with Heart and Clarity

You’ve mapped your network. You’ve crafted a valuable, relevant offering. Now comes the part that feels most vulnerable — reaching out.

But here’s the truth: a well-crafted message, rooted in care and clarity, can change your life.

Whether you’re inviting someone to attend, share, or co-create — relational outreach is not about volume. It’s about resonance.

💡 Keep it Short, Specific, and Generous

Most emails fail not because the offering is bad, but because the message is:

• Too long
• Too vague
• Too self-focused
• Too unclear on next steps

Remember: “If you confuse, you lose.”

So your message should be:

• Short – Aim for 4–6 sentences max
• Specific – One clear ask or next step (never, ever, ask for more than one thing per email)
• Generous – Framed as an opportunity for them

✨ Anatomy of a Relational Outreach Message

Whether it’s an email, a DM, or a voice note — the structure is usually the same:

1. Warm greeting and context
2. Relevant connection to them
3. Why you’re reaching out
4. The opportunity / invitation
5. A clear and easy next step

📧 Template 1: Invite to a Free Workshop

Hi [Name],

I’m hosting a free workshop next week called [Title]

I thought of you because of your work with [relevant interest / community]. I think the session might offer some practical tools or fresh perspectives for what you’re exploring.

If it feels aligned, I’d love to have you join or even share it with your network.

Here’s the link to learn more and register: [link]

With warmth,

[Your Name]

📧 Template 2: Light Outreach to a “Warm” Contact

Hi [Name] - how are you?

We’re looking at how we can add value to some of the communities that we feel veryaligned with.

We recently did a 40% off gratitude sale with our network and it went well. We’reexploring if it makes sense to extend a similar offer to communities we’re close with.

Do you think it would make sense for us to run a workshop on how to [relevant offering] for your community with a special offer like that?

With love,

[Your Name]

📧 Template 3: Collaboration / Cross-Promotion Invitation

Subject:

Hey [Name],

I’ve been admiring your work with [audience or theme], and I think there might be a fun way to support each other.

I’m organizing a free workshop on [topic] and I’m wondering if you’d like to co-host it together?

Let me know if that sparks anything for you — happy to explore!

Warmly,

[Your Name]

🙌 Guidelines for Effective Outreach

1. Create the context - 1 or 2 sentences

Why is it relevant for them? What’s in it for them? What will they get out of

this? What’s the value for them? Understanding what does this person want? What

is their aspiration, challenge, or desire?

2. Why is it meaningful to you? Be vulnerable, if appropriate

How were you touched? What did you get out of it? How did it make you

feel? What opened up for you?

3. Specific invitation and reason

For example: Next week I’m hosting a free webinar and I want to invite you because I

feel like this format would help you create powerful online experiences with the work

that you do. Are you available to join me on June 1st at noon EST?

4. Follow Up

No reply? Follow up 3–5 days later with something like:

“Hey [Name], just checking in in case this got buried — no pressure at all. I know inboxes are wild these days!”

💡 Pro Tip: Systemize the Hustle

Create an Outreach Tracker (just a simple spreadsheet or Notion table). Track:

• Who you’ve reached out to
• What you invited them to
• Whether they responded
• Whether they shared
• Follow-up needed?

Treat this as a living practice — not a one-time launch strategy. Most people don’t get traction from one outreach. They get it from consistently showing up with relevance and heart.

🧘‍♀️ A Final Word: Your Courage Matters

This kind of outreach takes guts. You may feel imposter syndrome. You may worry about bothering people. That’s natural.

But remember: you’re not just asking for attention — you’re offering an opportunity to connect, grow, and serve.

And that kind of invitation is rare. And powerful. And deeply needed in today’s world.

Step 4: Invite Co-Creation and Cross-Promotion (Collaboration That Actually Works)

Once you’ve started reaching out and making bold requests, it’s time to harness one of the most powerful forces in marketing:

Collaboration.

More specifically: co-creation and cross-promotion.

This is how your audience begins to expand exponentially, not just linearly. It’s how new people discover your work in a context of trust. It’s how you go from isolated creator to node in a growing ecosystem of value and support.

And in the world of relational marketing, you don’t need a huge audience to make this work. You just need shared values, complementary offerings, and the courage to reach out.

🧩 Explore ways to cross-pollinate audiences

Cross-pollination is the practice of two or more creators sharing each other’s work with their respective audiences in a way that adds value to both.

In traditional marketing, this might look like:

• Podcast guest swaps
• Newsletter mentions
• Affiliate partnerships
• Joint ventures

In relational marketing, it’s more like:

• Co-hosting a free workshop
• Interviewing each other live
• Featuring each other’s offers in your newsletters

🧠 Why It Works (Even If You’re Just Starting Out)

This strategy works because:

• You’re borrowing trust from someone else’s audience.
• You’re adding real value to their audience.
• You’re not shouting into the void — you’re entering warm circles of interest.
• You’re doubling the exposure for half the work.

🧭 The 3 Forms of Relational Collaboration

1. Co-Hosted Events

This is the most potent form. Invite someone to co-create a free workshop, circle, or dialogue with you.

Examples:

• A conversation between two facilitators on “Navigating Grief in Community”
• A live co-teaching session on “Somatic Tools for Leaders”
• A joint Q&A on “Building Impactful Online Learning Spaces”

Benefits:

• Combines audiences
• Adds credibility and depth
• Builds real connection between you and the other creator

2. Solo Event + Guest Promotion

You host something alone, and invite another creator to share it — ideally in exchange for you promoting something of theirs later.

How to make this work:

• Make your offering highly relevant to their audience.
• Offer copy/paste email language and visuals to make sharing easy.
• Consider offering an affiliate bonus if there’s a paid offering on the back end.

This aligns with what Ryan Holiday calls “platform leverage” — using distribution others have built to grow faster, while offering genuine value in return.

3. Resource Spotlights / Community Highlights

Feature each other’s work in a non-event format — like an email, blog, or curated guide.

Example:

“I wanted to share 3 incredible facilitators doing powerful work in the space of trauma-informed leadership. Check them out below.”

This works beautifully for:

• Building trust with your audience
• Offering non-promotional value
• Deepening relationships with peers

🛠 How to Make the Ask (without Being Weird)

Many creators hesitate here. They don’t want to “ask for a favor” or feel salesy. So let’s reframe it:

You’re not asking for help. You’re inviting someone into a mutual opportunity to:

• Serve their community
• Get visible in new spaces
• Build deeper trust and connection

📧 Template: Invite to Co-Host a Workshop

Subject:

Hey [Name],

I’ve been following your work around [shared topic] and really appreciate your approach.

I’m putting together a free online workshop on [topic]

We could either jam together live or take turns contributing. Totally open to exploring formats.

If this sparks any curiosity, I’d love to chat.

With warmth,

[Your Name]

📧 Template: Ask to Share Your Offering

Subject:

Hi [Name],

I’m offering a free workshop next week on [topic]

I thought of your community because I know you support people in [related domain]. If it feels aligned, I’d be grateful if you shared it. Happy to return the favor when the time’s right.

Here’s a quick blurb + link you can use:

Join this free workshop on [title] for [audience] who want to [transformation].

[link]

No pressure — only if it feels like a good fit.

With appreciation,

[Your Name]

📈 When You Should Start Doing This

• You don’t need a huge list. You just need clarity and generosity.
• You don’t need a paid offer. Start with something free that’s easy to share.
• You don’t need to “pitch.” You need to align — with values, audiences, and intentions.

🤝 Build Your Collaboration Practice

1. Make a “Collaboration List”
2. From your social structure map, highlight 5–10 people you’d love to co-create or cross-promote with.
3. Reach out once per week
4. Make this a relational practice, not a hustle. One heartfelt outreach each week = 52 potential partnerships per year.
5. Document the Relationship
6. Track who said yes, who was curious, who said “maybe later.” Use a simple CRM or spreadsheet to nurture these contacts.
7. Follow up with love
8. Keep showing up. Comment on their posts. Celebrate their launches. Mention them in your newsletter. Relational marketing is long game — and a love game.

🧘‍♀️ Collaboration is a Spiritual Practice

Co-creation asks us to soften control, honor the other, and create with rather than for.

Cross-promotion isn’t about getting ahead — it’s about moving forward together.

When you collaborate from a place of mutual empowerment and shared purpose, you don’t just grow your audience. You grow your community, your capacity, and your impact.

Step 5: Build Relationships with Your Audience (Nurture, Don’t Just Broadcast)

Reaching people is only the beginning.

Relational marketing isn’t just about getting someone to show up once — it’s about staying in connection with the people who resonate. It’s about nurturing real relationships with your audience over time, in a way that feels mutually enriching, not performative or extractive.

This is the part where many creators stall. You host a beautiful workshop, get some signups, send a thank-you email… and then things go quiet.

But if you want to grow a sustainable ecosystem around your work — clients, collaborators, co-creators — this step is essential.

💡 The Paradigm Shift: From Audience to Community

Most traditional marketing treats people like leads in a funnel. The goal is to drive them from awareness to purchase with maximum efficiency.

Relational marketing treats people like humans in a relationship. The goal is to build trust, shared meaning, and long-term connection — because that’s what creates referrals, repeat clients, and co-creators who want to walk with you over time.

As Tara McMullin puts it in What Works:

“Your business is not a machine. It’s a social system.”

The real value of your audience is not just in who’s buying now — it’s in who’s listening, watching, and slowly growing toward you.

🧭 Think in Terms of Relationship Stages

Just like in personal relationships, audience relationships move through stages:

1. Discovery — They hear about you (via a share, post, workshop, etc.)
2. Resonance — Something in your voice or offering clicks for them
3. Engagement — They attend, subscribe, follow, or respond
4. Trust — They keep showing up, feel seen, and start sharing
5. Commitment — They join, buy, partner, or refer others

You’re not rushing people down a funnel. You’re walking with them, offering value and connection at every step.

✉️ Use Email to Build a Relationship, Not Just a List

Email is still the highest-converting and most intimate digital channel — but only when used well.

🔄 From Broadcast to Dialogue

Instead of:

• “Here’s my latest product”
• “Big launch coming up”
• “Check out this new thing I made”

Try:

• “Here’s something I’ve been wrestling with”
• “A recent insight from a session that might help you”
• “A story about how one participant found unexpected clarity”

Emails that perform best in relational marketing tend to be:

• Personal in tone
• Light on design (plain text feels more human)
• Written like a note to a friend, not a pitch to a stranger
• Rich in insight, reflection, or real-world story

This is what email strategist André Chaperon calls “open loops” — you’re not just informing, you’re inviting curiosity and connection over time.

🧠 Try This Content Cadence:

Here’s a simple rhythm to keep your audience nurtured without overwhelming them:

1x/week or 2x/month:

• A short personal reflection
• A client story or participant insight
• A curated resource list
• A “behind the scenes” glimpse
• A question or invitation for dialogue

Occasionally:

• Invite them into something (free or paid)
• Share testimonials or case studies
• Celebrate milestones, wins, or community members

Once per quarter:

• Run a free live event or pop-up session
• Ask your list what they want help with right now

This pattern builds long-term trust and positions you not as a brand or influencer, but as a guide or fellow traveler on a shared path.

💬 Keep the Door Open for Dialogue

The more your audience feels like they can respond — and be heard — the more connected they become.

Try adding:

• A question at the end of your email (e.g., “What are you working on this month?”)
• A link to a quick survey or check-in form
• A personal reply if someone shares something vulnerable or thoughtful
• A welcome email that invites people to introduce themselves

These small signals of care build what Seth Godin calls “permission and belonging.” People don’t want to just be informed — they want to belong somewhere.

🛠 Use Light Systems to Stay in Touch

You don’t need a CRM empire. Just create simple systems to stay connected.

• Keep a short list of “champions” — past participants, superfans, and connectors. Check in with them quarterly.
• Tag or segment your list by interests or programs so you can send more relevant updates.
• Use a simple automation to welcome new people with 2–3 valuable emails before you ever ask for anything.

🧘‍♀️ Make Your Audience Feel Seen

Ultimately, people stay in your orbit when they feel:

• Recognized — “You get me.”
• Supported — “You help me.”
• Inspired — “You show me what’s possible.”
• Safe — “I can trust you.”

That’s not built through fancy funnels — it’s built through presence, empathy, and resonance over time.

As George Kao, a champion of authentic business, says:

“Your marketing should feel like an extension of your service.”

When people experience your presence as part of your outreach — not just your programs — they begin to associate you with groundedness, insight, and care. That’s what builds loyalty that no ad campaign can buy.

🪴 Practice “Slow Growth with Deep Roots”

It can be tempting to chase followers and metrics. But in relational marketing, your focus is depth, not scale.

Instead of asking:

“How do I get more people?”

Ask:

“How do I show up more deeply for the people already here?”

Even 100 people who feel connected to your voice and work can sustain a thriving practice — through referrals, repeat participation, and collaborations.

The goal isn’t to build a large audience. The goal is to build a relational field where trust, value, and mutual growth flow naturally.

🌱 Final Thought: Be the Invitation

At the end of the day, relational marketing is about becoming someone people want to learn and grow with. Not because you’re the loudest or most polished — but because you’re consistent, generous, and real.

Show up. Listen. Share. Reflect. Invite.

Be the kind of person you’d want in your inbox.

And the relationships will take root.

‍